The fencing road trip

The fencing road trip is an important part of competition. It is often more fun and interesting than the tournament itself (depending on the tournament). I probably wouldn't have continued fencing were it not for the ability to be crammed in a car with 4-5 other people who are just as normal as I am.

The awesome thing about the road trip & fencing is that it is a universal experience among fencers. Anyone who lives in an area where fencing is big is required to get into the car at some point and travel to a venue 4 hours away with everyone else. Carpooling is not only a great way to bond with fellow members of your club, but it is resource efficient.

As a teenager, the road trip is even more fun because you are twice as stupid (no offense, it is a fact of life. Enjoy being that dumb while you are, it's a good time). You might wander around at night near the hotel looking for things to do. You might make friends at the venue and invent new games of chicken that involve throwing hotel room key cards at eachother at max strength. You might stop at a gas station and purchase several $1 plastic Uzis that fire small bits of plastic, resulting in a car that looked like it played toilet to several multicolored rats. You might play Tekken Tag for 6 hours on the way back from Menemonie, WI.

Body odor contests are truly a thing of wonder. How you play:
Everyone in the car takes off their shirt after fencing all day. It must be winter, and the windows preferably down (to stir the mixture). The first person to put their shirt back on loses the contest.

Other Fun Road Trip Games

Wet Jacket fight
You have a wet jacket after fencing all day, do you leave it to sit and ferment in your bag until it someday smells like AJ's? Heck no! Whip that thing out of the bag, or sneak it out in another stealthy container, and chuck it at the next person to say something that offends you on the way home. They will be covered in your sweat and tears of that day. The fight results when someone returns fire.

Glove in the face
Sneaking your glove into the car is usually pretty easy. However, just because it is small does not mean it doesn't smell terrible.

Backseat Alchemy
Stop at the next gas station, purchase the soda with the highest caffeine content and a bag of skittles. Drink a bit of the soda, then mix skittles into the bottle. Wait until all the coloration has worn off the skittles (which it will if you bought the right soda), they will look like white pills. Then drink the mixture as fast as you can. Watch as parents pull the tranq gun from under the seat to neutralize the psychotic protohuman in their backseat who is now eating the backseat.

The Surprise Game
People are farting in an enclosed space. We all know this to be a fact of life. But somehow, it gains the same sort of conversational immunity that politics, religion, & wars enjoys. The reason we can't discuss road trip farts is because they are embarrassing for everyone in the car. Sometimes you get a car full of people who refuse to admit that they fart. Sometimes you get the person who really didn't fart, but has to say something. This inevitably leads to the entire car accusing the accuser of farting. Other times you get the person who farts and blames someone else. Either way, our culture has obviously failed to deal with the car fart properly.

So a few friends of mine invented the surprise game. Whenever you fart, you say 'surprise.' If you fart, and fail to say 'surprise,' and someone else says 'expected,' they may hit you in the shoulder no less than 4 times. You might be thinking, "How does the person who says 'expected' know who farted?" The simple answer is that he doesn't. He now has the power to punch anyone in the shoulder. This inevitably leads to discussion over who dealt it and an uneasy detente between all members of the car.